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sidestepit never felt so good as when
we sat around our own doubts
and looked at each other through
their purple haze.
i saw a life then, inside a...
no. fuck it. the truth died.
my life held it once, it really did,
but a thought, a single thought
blocked out all others and shades of grey
covered me and then you.
you never forgave me.
once was green, and a girl fell in love
then they lived in a world of their own making
which slowly fell around them. bad
desicions and craftsmanship.
a single thought and it blew away.
i could disgust a person in more ways than one,
there are a million things i could do
right this very moment
but i'll sidestep the problem
and let it all roll by in masked indifference.
i told myself not to look.
now i'm stuck inside out
just waiting for the right moon;
something bigger to show me the way.
isn't that just...?
no. theres no words.
a disappointment, that's what it was.
i wish you would look a little harder,
maybe a little a longer, then i could
feel satisfaction. while they chase and scramble
i will stay here, oblivious.
such a sweet thing could rot my teeth,
instead my spirit dies just a little
just enough of you, to find me lost
just a small favour in a sea of hopelessness
just all this bullshit piling up in order to ignore
the sweet thing turning sour in my mouth.
it's not going to happen, is it?
no. i didn't suppose there were words.
radiancewhere did the starlight go?
tin cans rattling, cards flashing
all different colours
but i just want to know
truth in a lie, where did it come from?
the reason behind this life
or liveliness in the scent of flowers
just because you picked them for me.
stumble to and fro, knocks and blows,
punch-drunk but not loved, not in such a way
that permits one to fall and pick it up again
with blessed little bites and bruises, instead
i sit in a bed, unmoving.
undesired. a precious gem hidden in rock
that no one sees but i feel naked, those
eyes that cut into my flesh. unnerve me.
lie to me.
i awoke this morning to the shape of a shudder
swift in the morning light, nestling
in the lines under my eyes.
and the starlight; beauty shone in it's radiance.
kiss boyssmall drop of honey
to make my lips sweeter
chase after the best prize ever
all about determination
chicken little touching too far
up that creamy white thigh
round the corner, trouble's a brewing
whos scared? i'm not
just a boy, just a girl, playing a game
give us the name
of all the scaredy cats who left this place
when they found out
just how far you had to go.
didnt know how much it would hurt.
we'll make a list and then burn it up
in the fire of our fun, of our love,
while holding each other just like kids,
little buttons of life who don't know
a goddam thing
he squeezed my hand and underneath too
my skirt rode up like crazy but it didn't
seem to bother him
flesh on flesh; touch and go
small drop of honey and a killer of a chase
then maybe i could kiss boys too
Monsterplease, come inside
the warmth in the room
could help me, or you.
think we both have the chills.
got them yesterday
when it moved again
the fragility scared me a little
but it's power over me, well,
that is strength i didn't know
it's funny how fear can take hold
bring everything you never wanted to imagine
into the curve of a belly
so small, and yet...
it strikes terror in my heart.
and i couldn't picture it's face if i tried
but i know the shape of it's clothes well enough
bruiseif the pieces that you just shattered,
and sent crashing to the floor,
could express a truth or meaning in this,
i reckon it would be worth it.
the words escaped your mouth in no line, but
a confused spiel of rage and anger, like a bullet,
hitting me so hard, indenting the shock into my skin
and here i was, thinking that although i had tripped,
fallen a little, i could get back up, keep on going.
no more; i'm bruised and beaten, gone.
we are dead now, a collapsed party.
funny word, as if it were all good times.
my oh my, i am
hurt. so hurt.
it hurts to breathe, it hurts to live
and you can't know, you won't help.
and although i am straying from all this,
with blood on my hands and tears in my eyes
i manage to sit back up again and reach inside my own heart.
a bloody affair, that proves nothing.
i have nothing to show for all of this except,
you will be sorely missed.
bedside manneroh shit.
we've hit a dry spell;
the burn stopped. fizzled,
that's what it did, the fire drying everthing up,
hold on, i'll sweep them away,
it should be that easy.
finger fidgeting with flames and foolish
thoughts about terms of endearment
and how i know the time is right for me
wish i really knew.
i feel like im lying on a table
with lights, faces, fingers,
poking at me, checking my body
making sure the time is right.
you feel so far away from that place;
the desicion is all on me; the pressure
of a man's cold fingers pressing on my chest
assessing my heart, the depth of my love,
and seeing, if that much really is enough.
is it enough for me?
is it even there?
time and place, so crucial
to a thing of this magnitude.
i am thing, you are it, we are us,
and i have to tell you, exactly,
absoulutely, that i
just. don't. know.
but i'm sorry. i know my
bedside manner is a little uncertain,
but i'm getting there.
and that's the best i can hope for.
The Ultimatethe hand shakes.
it's late at night and one would think
and yet i can't.
beliefs have shattered, pieces falling into other places.
what can i do but write? what can i do but
pick and pick at all the intricacies of the nothingness
i live in.
the life lost
oh how the cliche laughs at me
and mocks the tears that flow freely
down the face i thought i knew.
but all the words are dried up now.
but i can find hope in this
in the way i close my eyes to make it go away
and in the way i shudder at all the thoughts
in the way the hand shakes.
if i can still feel...
it is only the ultimate sensation that i fear,
the one of death in all parts.
Discovery- paper thoughtsor shift. i suppose it means the same thing.
language bounces in my dried-up mind
i feel soaked, wrung, hung out to dry
left in the ambiguous wind
have you ever been left in such a place as this?
the air is so warm and sticky
with recycled philosophies on life
that click with names and words that attach themselves to my skin
but they don't matter
nothing is made, there is nothing to hold
grasp at anything; a thought, a reason, a hand
that could hold yours back
and bring comfort into a life without
thought and reason.
look for it, try to grab it through the sea of
absoulutely nothing at all.
the season turned, but i did not.
i made no great discovery;
after all the work, the pain
all there is paper thoughts that mark a
love or solid beliefs or anything
that could make a human being
want to discover more.
i can only write it down.
theres no more than that.
You call meYou call me a freak
I say I'm unique
You call me crazy
I say sanity is overrated
You call me a sissy
I say I'm sensitive
And proud of it
You call me depressed
I say it's true
But I'm not ashamed of it
Five AMPre-dawn darkness again, seething, quiet
A monster hugging the city
How heavy, how suffocating it is
The clock has run down on time for dreaming
A void between night and morning
Ready to swallow everything up
A time for old men's reflections
On love, and loss, and sorrow
Oppressive black sky, you eat everything
But the all-night diner
Where lonely old men sit
Drinking coffee at five AM
QuicksandYou trapped me
Dragged me below the surface
And held me there
You chained me
Put brass around my ankles
And left me struggling
You broke me
Beat me with whips made of hate
And hurt me more
You changed me
Made me who you wanted
And killed me inside
You hid me
Stole me away from the light
And made me blind
You crushed me
Blew my dust in the wind
And danced on my grave
surrounding my body
And now I'm twenty feet under
With no chance of being saved
Guide MeThe shadows of my past, like trembling fingers, strum the song of warfare with my heartstrings and piano-key-ribs.
The ghosts of empty faces, empty shells, waltz to the tune of my miseries.
The war raging inside my head, like the waves of an ocean crashing against the sides of skull, cause me to drown in insecurities so deep within my tired vessel.
I am tired of this warfare.
I am tired of playing the role of some valiant soldier.
I am dimming under the power of the shadows, of the ghosts, of the war inside me –
And my only beacon is you, dear mother.
When the fire rages on, and the music is gone, I will always look to you for guidance – and you will guide me to safety, always ending the war within me.
From Your 'Secret' AdmirerHeaven,
this is not a love letter
I will swear to God,
with a halo on my head
and a hole in my heart.
But the fact is I revere you
more than I have any right to.
After all, we are nothing except
who have awkward conversations.
So why is it that every time the line
falls silent I panic, worrying that your shadow
will make my efforts nothing but a distant memory,
when every word you speak strongly marks my mind?
Simple: I fear having something to lose
and losing the nothing I have. You are a
treasure to me, and this note becomes my confession.
Sincerely- I typed this, but I'm sure you'll recognize the handwriting.
give me a challenge, give me you.i have grown
the blood in my veins
have become more
than plasma, and i
am now trapped
within my own hollowed-out
this haze of
has to be transitory--
i can't let it be anything
Death, Judgment, RebirthLast Time in the ICU
Shadow rats, beady red eyes focused hungrily
Stay still too long and they’ll swarm
Sharp little teeth rending flesh
They know the sick and weak
They can wait
Tenth floor ICU, down with the disease again
He’s resting quietly, the nurse says
She looks like a huge black rat
Does she know what’s happening?
Closing the door
She walks away
Sweet childhood dreams are interrupted
Rats gnawing away at the edges
Toothy little kisses all over
Cleaning, cleansing scurry
Down to the bone
Sentenced to Live
Firelight, poker-faced patchwork man reading aloud
An old but vaguely familiar tome, his tone is somber
Was I one of the wicked? Weren’t we all?
Who can say that they were good?
Sentenced to live yet another life
I cry; I’ve had enough living
I want to sleep forever, leave my shell behind
To crumble to dust, useless, I won’t need it
Every door opens to the same world
Is this hell, then? The onl
are winter fire
that warms my body,
that stokes my heart.
is velvet gloss
through my hair,
under my shirt.
is silk screen
beneath my fingertips,
between my lips.
moves like ocean water,
washes over me,
floods every inch of me.
clinging to your cheeks,
puddling the pillow,
caught inside my kiss.
palm to palm with mine,
soft and breathy in my ear,
loud and gasping
against my mouth.
pressing against mine,
rising to meet me,
applauding in rhythm.
grasping at my shoulders,
sliding down my chest,
clinging to my skin.
squeezing me tightly.
arching up to me,
tilting back your chin,
pressing us so close.
undulating in excitement,
trembling in joy,
shivering with delight.
echoing inside my head,
calling out to the universe,
telling me everything.
tender and delicate,
flinchslammed against the wall
pushed against the wall
thrown against the wall
its all the same
it all hurts
makes my skin an unnatural colour
makes my mind unnaturally cluttered
and i cant think
can only feel
pain. pain. pain.
and you think
you think you know
i won\'t do anything
all your punches
all your throws
add to my anger
and one day it will explode
and you will be sorry
you\'d like that, wouldn\'t you?
maybe you wouldn\'t
but its too late now
i\'ve got the power now
the gun is in my pocket
and i am in your house
yelling all this to you
did you listen when i yelled?
did you stop when i screamed?
so i won\'t.
i oughtta teach you a lesson
you filthy piece of shit
my hand is shaking
and sweating too
but i know what i want to do
what i NEED to do
malice is in my veins
and murder in my blood
but your screams fill my ears
my teeth grind
i cant decide
i cannot sympathise with you!
you dont d
a hospital bird with soot in her lungsshe slept through a car crash
that almost killed her,
through whitewhite walls
where her lover dies
nobody thought she'd make it
but she woke up a few months later
with flowers in her hair
and ash in her airway
trying to remember how to start all over
but forgetting to remember how to live.
fall slipped from her open eyes
and winter crawled in for a long hibernation
to her the clouds looked sick
and pale like they might
let everything inside them out,
but she opened up wide instead,
spilling blood where there was none to be spilled.
her heart slipped down the street
and with unsteady hands
she stitched in a bird and cut off its wings.
pray into my collarbone
let your snake tongue slither
with the syllables.
i wish for soft-chested nights,
and the trickle of champagne down crystal glass.
poppy-lips, lull me to sleep,
nurse my coiling tongue with yours;
tap my scalp like a silent drum,
and wind my hair in between your fingers
like broken guitar strings.
(serenade me with the buzz of pollen in your kiss.)
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More